She Will Always Remain

Hi guys, it's Lydia here. This is probably the latest post I've ever written, but I finally found some time to edit and share this poem. I wrote this a few months ago, in a pretty horrible time for me. But I found that writing about my anxiety and picturing it as a living breathing person helped me focus my mind, it gave me a sense of clarity. Obviously anxiety or any mental illness has no form or shape, but for each person I think the way they visualise and imagine their illness is different to each individual mind. But tell me what you think and if you feel comfortable enough share your experiences with how your or a loved ones mental illness effects your way of life.


It attacks in happy hours,
Laughter escaping open mouths.
In times not foreseen, when minds are running water.

She appears as mist, that thins through floorboards.
Or beady spiders twitching in bedroom corners.
The Lady of 'ifs' and 'buts', whose face appears despite comfort.
The Monstrous Mistress, white fingers shadowing true sight,
Watery grey eyes that loom in waking sleep.

In minds blank peace she calls -
Her cold caress breathing in ears,
You've forgotten something.
Her purple lips gleeful in anxious agony.
Lounging, watching as fingernails stab palms,
As fidgeting eyes scan around frightful,
Finding something, someone to stop her presumptions.

As clammy backs cool, the echoing thuds reside.
She crawls back through silky glass.
Into innocent eyes, down, down within
She sings I am you. I can never leave.

Pipeliner

Hello everyone! It's Shani and today I'm going to be reviewing Pipeliner by Shawn Hartje.

Published: November 30th 2016
Publisher: Self-published
Author: Shawn Hartje
Length: 249 pages
My rating: 3.5/5

Hartje's novel Pipeliner follows the narrative of a teenage boy called Jason Krabb, a high school student and aspiring guitarist. The novel follows Jason through his 'coming of age' period where he inevitably matures a great deal. The novel is set in the 1990's and has a range of references through out the course of the novel which make the novel really feel within the time frame that Hartje has set it in.

One of the key things which I enjoyed about Hartje's novel was the characterisation of Jason. It was interesting to read the novel from a male's perspective, as a majority of the novels I read are either written in a third person narrative or a first person female narrative. Male perspectives are sparse in the genre of YA literature and even in some of the adult genres which I have read. So, delving into Hartje's seventeen-year-old character of Jason was intriguing. Jason has a great ambitious, as many teenagers do, to become a guitarist. However, Jason doesn't quite realise the amount of effort it will take him to achieve this goal and seems to overestimate his ability to become a popular guitarist. I loved the fact that Jason's older brother attended Princeton it showed a great contrast between the two characters, and also implied that perhaps Jason felt overshadowed by his elder sibling - a trait which many readers can relate to if they have any older siblings. It was fun reading about Jason's journey but at times I felt that Jason's aspirations were somewhat dull and cliche.

One of Jason's main ambitions throughout the novel is to find himself a girlfriend and to party as much as he can. This concept that Jason 'needed' to find a girlfriend irked me slightly as it seemed to be one of the biggest things on his mind throughout the novel. I just wished he had slightly more ambition than to simply get a girlfriend and party as much as he liked, but then this was also interesting because Hartje was presenting me with a perspective which I hadn't considered before.

Hartje's pacing of the novel was at times a little slow but his language in the novel was refreshing and kept me reading despite some of my reservations about his themes. I felt that the sexual scenes in the novel were perhaps unnecessary. Whilst I understand that the novel is a 'coming of age' I felt that the sexual scenes didn't need to be in the novel and could have been implied, rather than explicitly described. The substance abuse as well - drugs are mentioned quite a lot in the novel - I think this is perhaps why I couldn't find myself being able to relate to the story because whilst it did in some ways describe the typical life of a teenager coming of age, I felt that it was at times stereotypical though this may have been the writer's aims to create a slightly cliched perspective on teenagers for humour.

Overall, I did enjoy aspects of Pipeliner and I believe that it would be an enjoyable read for those who are able to relate to the story more. Perhaps because I was born towards the end of the 1990's and therefore have no recollection of the era that I didn't enjoy it as much as other readers may!

If you are interested in reading Pipeliner than here is the link for the Kindle Edition: https://www.amazon.com/Pipeliner-Shawn-Hartje-ebook/dp/B01NBFHDTX

To the girls who feel like they aren't enough

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
Her face is cracked. Crooked.
I know not of her pale complexion, her awkward angles
Her limbs which tremble like a new born fawn, her limp hair.
But her glacier eyes are mine.

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
I beam at her. Yet she is wallpaper and her image does not waver,
'Who are you?' I begin to ask but her mouth moves along with mine
I falter.
'I am you' she whispers 'I am what you will become'

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
She is still. Quiet. Subdued.
I want to ask her, who has done this to you?
But an eerie smile is tugging on her lips
She has done this to herself.

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
With a gaunt frame and bloodied fingernails.
'You are enough' I tell her
The tendrils of her inky black hair hiss at me
'I will never be enough!'

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
She is beautiful and broken and she cannot see it,
She cannot see that flowers bloom when she smiles.
The sweetness that leeks from her every pour, the selflessness of her open outstretched palms
She does not see these things.

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
Her face is cracked. Crooked.
And I wonder when did we become so invested in reinventing ourselves
That we forgot who were along the way?
'You are enough' I tell her.

There is a girl staring at me in the mirror.
'You are enough!' I tell her.

- Shani

America's Next Reality Star

Hi folks, it's Heather here, hope your summer is going swell. Many thanks to the author for letting me review it in exchange for an honest review. There's a sequel to this coming out soon so expect another review in September! 

Information

Author: Laura Heffernan
Published: March 2017
Publisher: Lyrical Shine
Length: 256 pages

Brief description (from Amazon)

Twenty-four-year-old Jen Reid had her life in good shape: an okay job, a tiny-cute Seattle apartment, and a great boyfriend almost ready to get serious. In a flash it all came apart. Single, unemployed, and holding an eviction notice, who has time to remember trying out for a reality show? Then the call comes, and Jen sees her chance to start over—by spending her summer on national TV.

Luckily The Fishbowl is all about puzzles and games, the kind of thing Jen would love even if she wasn’t desperate. The cast checks all the boxes: cheerful, quirky Birdie speaks in hashtags; vicious Ariana knows just how to pout for the cameras; and corn-fed “J-dawg” plays the cartoon villain of the house. Then there’s Justin, the green-eyed law student who always seems a breath away from kissing her. Is their attraction real, or a trick to get him closer to the $250,000 grand prize? Romance or showmance, suddenly Jen has a lot more to lose than a summer . . . (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Americas-Next-Reality-Laura-Heffernan-ebook/dp/B01HA426MI/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499862709&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=laura+hefferman)

Review

Poor Jen! Having just lost her job, home and boyfriend after it’s unraveled that there’s a very interesting reason why he hasn’t proposed, she’s definitely going through a rough spot. The chance to win a quarter of a million by becoming a reality television star certainly appeals to her at this time. The show in question is an intriguing concept called The Fishbowl, in which a selection of people (the fish) are put in a glass house that resembles (you guessed it) a fish bowl. Like most reality shows, there’s a confessional booth, challenges and lots of snarky attitudes.

The pacing of the book is good, with healthy doses of comedy to reflect Jen’s personality, meaning that the story is pretty much optimum for entertainment. Despite all the little details, I still felt like I was yearning for more – like how exactly the personality test and psychiatric assessment were done in the application process. The ending was especially rushed and left me feeling a little dissatisfied if I’m totally honest, but considering there’s a sequel out I’m hoping that that will answer my many questions about how Jen will proceed after the Fishbowl. As I said earlier, the plot is intriguing (even for someone that’s never watched reality television) and I caught myself up till the early hours of the morning when I decided I’d read just thirty more pages, which transpired into a hundred and fifty.

The characters were a bit over the top, like Birdie speaking in hashtags, but given that this is a comedy book, it only added to the amusement factor. I really enjoyed watching as different characters were developed, particularly Rachel and Justin, who Jen’s feelings on changed drastically as the story progressed. Joshua was perhaps the most infuriating individual I’ve ever read about; I completely shared Jen’s dislike of him. Ariana, though very attention seeking and dramatic, I thought was treated a bit too harshly by the others, Jen reacting to the majority of her antics. I’d have enjoyed to have read more about her journey in The Fishbowl and seen her attitude alter. The platonic relationships in the novel were excellent, really well written; many authors can get overly distracted by romance and leave out friendships entirely.

The challenges themselves were inventive, it’s clear that the author had a lot of fun coming up with them and putting Jen in uncomfortable situations, especially those involving her sexual tension with Justin. Again, I’d have liked to have seen more of them though! I was particularly fond of the reference to the Triwizard Tournament from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Nominations were again well written, with Jen’s stress blatant from her prying to find out who the other contestants would vote her.

Teens and adults alike would probably enjoy this the most, there’s a sprinkling of adult language but nothing offensive. If you’ve read or are planning to read this, leave me a comment below! I’m going to end this post with my favourite quote, which surmises Jen perfectly;

“I wouldn’t let this b*tch get the best of me. Kill ‘em with kindness, like Mom always said.”

The Existence of Pity

Hello, it's Heather! Many thanks to the author for sending this to us for an honest review. This made a very pleasant summer read that I'd definitely encourage others to look at.

Information

Author: Jeannie Zokan
Published: October 2016
Publisher: Red Adept Publishing
Length: 256 pages

Brief description (from Amazon)

Growing up in a lush valley in the Andes mountains, sixteen-year-old Josie Wales is mostly isolated from the turbulence brewing in 1976 Colombia. As the daughter of missionaries, Josie feels torn between their beliefs and the need to choose for herself. She soon begins to hide things from her parents, like her new boyfriend and her explorations into different religions. Josie eventually discovers her parents’ secrets are far more insidious. When she attempts to unravel the web of lies surrounding her family, each thread stretches to its breaking point. Josie tries to save her family, but what happens if they don’t want to be saved? The Existence of Pity is a story of flawed characters told with heart and depth against the beautiful backdrop of Colombia. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Existence-Pity-Jeannie-Zokan/dp/1940215803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499696321&sr=8-1&keywords=the+existence+of+pity)

Review

This novel is honestly as sweet as apple pie, I adored reading it for a bit of escapism. It’s told from the perspective of Josie, who is growing up in Cali, Columbia, with her Baptist Missionary family. Overshadowed by her brother Aaron who deceives his parents into believing him to be innocent in every way, Josie starts to question her religion and has to battle between staying true to herself or making her family happy.

The start of the book reveals a massive plot spoiler, which I’d have been tempted to leave out, however I actually have to commend the author for doing it as I was in a state of anticipation throughout. It means you progress through the novel querying the how’s and why’s of the situation, rather than the what. The plot itself develops steadily throughout so that you’re never resumed to feeling even an inkling of boredom, there’s always some drama. I have to say that the ending was spectacular and concluded in exactly the right way, though I’d personally be very happy if the author decided to write a sequel.

I loved the snippets of the way life works in Cali – being from dreary England we often read about the sunshine of America, so it was nice to drift further down to Colombia, a country less explored in literature. It was also nice to read about Aunt Rosie, who comes to visit from the States, and some of the other people that joined the missionary camp that were also from there. Through their reactions, the reader was able to fully understand how even minor earthquakes are very scary and the difference in food. The religious theme in the novel was one of my favourites as Josie starts to stray away from her own church and explore other forms of religion. It was interesting to see how Blanca and Aunt Rosie were more open to this than some other characters. Furthermore, how vital Josie’s faith was in keeping her controlled in some pretty stressful situations.

The characters are really fun to meet, from the effervescent Aunt Rosie whose always open to new experiences and offers Josie comfort when she’s down despite living far away, to their motherly maid Blanca. Josie is a wonderful protagonist; brave, adventurous, nosy. She thinks with her heart, wanting to stay true to herself but sometimes making irrational decisions as a consequence. The book has an endearing family feel to it initially, and yet as the story goes on it is not quite as idealistic as appearances may suggest.

Overall, the novel is a lovely read, very easy to get through quickly and perfect for summer. There are some controversial topics discussed, but the author does so delicately with openness to different perspectives. The writing style has an excellent description to dialogue ratio and shows thoughtfulness. There’s nothing graphic, so most age groups will be able to read this without any qualms!

Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire

Hello everyone! It's Shani here today, finally back after the nightmare known as A Level exams. The last few months it's been difficult for my colleagues and I to read because our time was mostly taken up by revision and preparing for our final exams, but it's officially summer now and that means plenty of time for reading!

I decided that before I go to University (if I'm lucky enough to get in) that I wanted to reread the last few Harry Potter books. I've been listening to the first three (Philosopher's Stone, Chamber of Secrets, and Prisoner of Azkaban) whilst I was revising - audio books were the only thing keeping me going during exam season - so I decided to read the last four books over the next week. I finished the Goblet of Fire yesterday and I knew that I wanted to review it immediately.

Author: J.K. Rowling
Published: 8th July 2000
Publisher: Children's Bloomsbury
Length: 636 pages
My Rating: 5/5

It's been about four years since I properly sat down and read The Goblet of Fire, and I must say it resonated with me just as much as the last time I read the novel. Harry Potter, a fourteen year old wizard who attends the magical school of Hogwarts for Witchcraft and Wizardry, is about to face his biggest challenge yet when he is chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament. What strikes me most about this book is Rowling's ability to introduce more adult themes in the novel, and how her writing seems to evolve as Harry grows up. The Goblet of Fire has a more serious tone and themes such as death, torture, and manipulation are discussed in great detail. That's one of the main things I've always adored about the series. The reading age seems to change as Harry ages making the last few books more complex and adult.

Rowling's characters of Harry, Ron, and Hermione also shift in this novel. The reader is shown a more vulnerable side to Harry, and the relationship between the three friends is tested multiple times during the narrative. Rowling portrays a realistic friendship between the trio, they bicker a good deal of the time, but they always manage to sort out their differences and rally together when they need to. I liked this aspect of the novel because I felt that the reader could connect to the characters more as Rowling explored their flaws in more depth then she has previously done, thus strengthening the trio's friendship even more as they come to accept each other's quirks and flaws.
The writing, as usual, was exquisite and captivating. Rowling has a certain flow in her writing, her language is never too complex but it isn't simplistic either, and her vast vocabulary of magical spells and enchantments always leaves the reader intrigued and excited.

As a reader, I've always been enticed by the 'tragic hero' such as Hamlet and Macbeth, and Rowling seems to mold Harry into this category in this particular part of the series, though he isn't entirely a tragic hero for he doesn't have a 'fatal flaw' he seems to suffer like one. Throughout the entire book the reader feels a sense of catharsis for Harry, we are aware that Lord Voldemort (spoiler if you haven't read the book) is coming after Harry and the reader cannot help but fear the inevitable moment when Harry is forced to face the Dark Lord. This sense of pathos which the reader cannot help but feel throughout the novel, as Rowling increases the tension through Harry's various tasks in the Triwizard Tournament and the fact that his scar burns on multiple occasions, comes to a breaking point in Chapter Thirty-Two Flesh, Blood and Bone where Harry and Cedric Diggory come face to face with the Dark Lord, and Cedric (once again a spoiler if you haven't read the novel) is murdered. I felt that whilst Rowling had dark themes in the previous novels and throughout The Goblet of Fire, this particular chapter shifts the entirety of the series. Not only is Harry, a fourteen year old boy, forced to witness the death of a friend but young readers are forced to read the death of a beloved character. Cedric Diggory was an innocent student and he was senselessly murdered for no reason at all. This sudden shift in the novel not only has a detrimental effect on the readers but on Harry as well, who is traumatised and exhausted by the end of the novel.

The Goblet of Fire has always been one of my favourite books in the Harry Potter series not only because it paves the way for darker themes and more round characters, but Rowling's dialogue is more humorous and witty in this novel, especially from Harry who's sarcasm seems to know no bounds. This new, refreshing dialogue reflects once again how Harry is growing up and therefore his language is changing. I also loved the characters of George and Fred Weaseley who never fail to make me laugh. The only issue I had with the novel was the irritating character of Rita Skeeter, and that's simply because she is meant to be a frustrating character for the reader anyway. Other than that, the pacing, the narrative, and the characters were all spot on and I know that I will be reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire again and again in the coming years.

Revenants - The Odyssey Home

Hello, we're back (this is Heather posting)! Now that exams are out the way, we hope to be updating this a lot more. I need to really really apologise to the author of this one – I said I’d read the novel during the start of my exams but underestimated the amount of time I’d have to read so had to pause it up till now; so, better late than never, here’s my review. As usual, it’s an honest review in exchange for a free read.

Information

Author: Scott Kauffman

Published: December 2015

Publisher: Moonshine Cove Publishing

Length: 306 pages

Overall Rating

★★★★

Brief description (from Amazon)

ONLY BETSY CAN GET HIM HOME IN TIME; ONLY HE CAN BRING HER BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

A grief-stricken candy-striper serving in a VA hospital following her brother's death in Viet Nam struggles to return home an anonymous veteran of the Great War against the skullduggery of a congressman who not only controls the hospital as part of his small-town fiefdom but knows the name of her veteran. A name if revealed would end his political ambitions and his fifty-year marriage. In its retelling of Odysseus' journey, Revenants casts a flickering candle upon the charon toll exacted not only from the families of those who fail to return home but of those who do. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Revenants-Odyssey-Home-Scott-Kauffman/1937327817)

Review

Struck by grief at the death of her brother Nathan, Betsy responds to her brother’s death by slacking in school and struggling with life in general, going through a rebellious stage of life. However, as she works in the Veterans hospital, she gets more determined to help and work out the secret of the anonymous patient locked upstairs who seems to only be alive through the twitching of his finger. Betsy is an intriguing character to follow and has some great character development throughout (she’s also a book nerd so naturally I liked her).

The content and topics covered in the novel were well-executed. I loved how bold the book was, addressing alcohol and drugs as well as the ugly, less poetic side of grief. It was really interesting to see the different perspectives as to what war meant and whether enlisting is good or bad. Perhaps best of all were the patients in the hospital; having just done an exam on how war is portrayed in literature, I applaud all authors that draw attention to the survivors of war and those at home, suffering the aftermath. Their injuries were all severe, and Betsy was initially shocked and rather scared of them, this stigma was interesting to view; Betsy’s maturing and adaptation even more so. Their injuries are looked at both with compassion, understanding and a little bit of humour, making its portrayal realistic.

The author chose to instill proper dialect and speaking style from the Ohio area. At first, I was slightly concerned that this could become too much; I’m sure we’ve all heard stories whereby the styling of a character’s voice becomes superior to their emotions and backstory. But Kauffman succeeds in shaping endearing characters, using the dialogue tone as a charming addition that does not override the plot. With a lot of characters, it can be challenging for authors to make each memorable enough, yet again Kauffman succeeded. During conversations in the book, I got a little confused as to who was speaking sometimes, so would recommend putting in a few more ‘[…] said’ here and there, but other than that the characterisation was great.

I was warned that the first fifty pages have been flagged as less eventful than the remainder of the novel – I actually didn’t find this was the case. Many authors use the standard rule of having a very dramatic opening to draw the reader in, then toning it down a little, but that does not mean that it is essential to all novels. Personally, I really enjoyed the start of the novel, and the middle, and though I liked the ending too I did think that it could have been more concise. Points of the book moved at an excellent pace, others were a little slow, but I was never bored.

My only qualm with the book was its use of the ‘n’ word in description, whilst I understand that it was not intended in such a way, it can be seen as racially offensive. Because of this, some swearing and darker topics, this is definitely a book for older readers. Anyone interested in war, like I am, will be sure to appreciate how its aftermath affected those at home – something the author definitely succeeded in, making it a lovely read.